We all pull out an all-nighter from time to time. Whether the cause is overtime at work, college thesis — or a one-foot-tall-crying-machine we call our bundles of joy keeping us awake at night.
I’m an expert of staying up all night. I’m a night owl. My family calls me ‘the vampire.’
I hate the sun. I hate daytime. I hate the hustles and bustles of daily life. I like it when ‘the day is over,’ when the sun sets, when I’m all alone and it seems like the world belongs to me now. No more people walking the streets, no more noises of chit-chats from random small-talkers, no more consciousness… everybody’s asleep.
Then I crawl out of my coffin, I yawn, I stretch — then I smile… for a perfect day is about to begin… or night.
I grab some cereals, and start my day– (or night).
It’s been like this throughout my life. For this very reason, I had to “buy” my college diploma, and I had to work a graveyard shift.
I’ve been working my 12 hours a night job for majority of my working career. I can’t imagine working days. Actually, wait! I did have a previous experience working days.
My first job was a day-shift, 8 hours a day job at ASUS — scanning motherboards and laptops all day long. OMG, I almost died there. The sun was so freaking bright, everybody was hustling and bustling, so many annoying people – and the worst part? Rush hour.
Well, that’s what you get for working days — rush hour.
So to solve all that, I quit that job and went to a 12-hour graveyard shift making solar panels. Duh. The wonders of working life. It keeps you stumped.
So I quit that dead-end job too now I’m strictly living on freelance work. And surprise, surprise — I do all my work at nights.
But all this ‘night skill’ didn’t happen by accident, it all started through college, and had been perfected there.
So here it is, the 8 stages of staying up all night.
Let’s start with college. Your grumpy professor whom you could have sworn, is out to get you — assigns you a hard-ass thesis paper. Of course he gave you months head start. But is he for real? Of course we’re gonna do it on the very last day!
Then the deadline comes. We cram and procrastinate like there’s no tomorrow. In which, there is a tomorrow… we should pass it on the deadline! — Which is tomorrow!
So what do we do?
We pull an all-nighter in hopes to finish this damn thesis!
1. Conditioning.
This is the first stage of an all-nighter. So you look at yourself in the mirror to condition yourself. Pointing at yourself in the mirror, you say “you can do this… you can do this… you can do this…”
Do that for half an hour, then you’re ready.
2. Preparation.
You prepare all the necessities. Books, papers, pens — and the most awesome bunch of liquids in the world… coffee and energy drinks.
You set them in your study desk. All set, all ready.
3. Warm up.
You’ve got all night, right? So what’s the rush?
You open the Internet browser, surf a few interesting news and articles, browse Facebook — then open a quick online game.
4. Altered reality.
You lose all sense of time and reality.
This damn nerd from some other country is beating your ass in an online game or this hot college chick finally chatted with you in Facebook.
- I get distracted easily… it’s my weakness.
5. Realization.
You actually wasted eight hours and a few good cups of coffee and energy drinks. And that hot chick still didn’t want to go out with you.
You bang your head on the desk.
6. Concentration.
You close all the browser tabs, close all the games and Facebook pages — you start to get “real” work done.
This time, it’s serious.
7. Panic mode.
You realize you’ve used up all your creativity and brain energy on useless surfing, chatting and gaming.
Crap! Crap! You literally only have two hours to complete this whole freaking thesis! You’re screwed now.
No time to spell check, just double space and never look back.
8. Reality.
You pass your paper on time. Your eye-bags are as big as your professor’s ass, but you still manage to pass it on time. That’s good, right?
Nope. After a five minute check, your professor quickly identifies it as crap (which it is), and throws it in the trash.
9. Acceptance.
You screwed up, and you know it. And your douche of a professor wants you to revise it and submit a “real” thesis due tomorrow.
You sit in the corner-most part of the classroom, head throbbing, tears about to fall, about to black out — when reality sinks in, you have to do it all over again tonight!